Wet N' W*i%L~d and NAKED

Okay guys I know what you're all thinking - were there any animals at the waterpark?? Well I hate to disappoint but there were no giraffes, no stingrays, no macaws, nothing!! ....except for one solitary gorilla who bore a striking resemblance to a fat man with hirsute back.

But we didn't let this ruin our day.

For those out there who don't know, Wet N' Wild is a water park somewhere near Greensboro. It's got a lot of fun stuff to do and some pretty creative rides. It's definitely worth a trip if you've never been, but there are some things that you need to remember...

*Remember to bring sunscreen with high SPF. Those UV rays get really intense.
*Remember to either wear comfortable sandals or to have enough alcohol in your system to help you forget about the fungus forest underfoot.
*Remember to forget to bring your goggles. The less you realize what is floating in the water you are swimming in, the better.

But our main destination of course was Exit 141, which, as I am sure you are well aware, is laden with all kinds of greasy restaurants. With the noticeable exception of Bojangles, there was just about every fast food and buffet you can think of. Though tempted by the lesser chains, we managed to keep our eyes on the prize and made a beeline for Cookout. As usual, I ordered one double cheeseburger with tomato and a milkshake.

Whilst we were at Emerald Point, there was one other intriguing thing that we saw. Or should I say, a pair. (Ominous pause) So on the cusp of our very first ride, I was standing innocently in line when Lyle bent over to whisper something in my ear. I naively thought he was going to say something really sweet for once (one day, one day), but what I heard was "Dude turn around and look at the chick behind us- she's got ENORMOUS jugs!" True story, all of it. They were on their way to becoming Busty Heart sized. Lyle noted how he could bash a Turk's brains out with just the left breast in a medieval battle. Because he's been in many battles and knows this stuff, of course.

Oh my god something traumatizing just happened. I was displaying these weird spots I've been sporting since I got my back sloughed on Daredevil's Drop waterslide when this horrrrible, indescribably malodorous smell assaulted my nose. I wrinkled it and inquired of Lyell: "Did you just fart??" With a resolute face, he puts on his hat and announces, "It's pootin' time."

Okay time to go but, props to our guest co-writer, T LyelL McmerTy!!!

Wait wait I forgot the naked part!!! Lyell decided to take off all his clothes and he stut ALL THE WAY from his car to his apartment door, a stunning 8.9 meter distance, not to mention exposing himself to truckers for quite some time before that. Ok toodles for real!