Cruising

What a great word, in any situation.

school - all A's!!

driving - you're carefree and don't have to worry because you don't drive like an Asian

sports - effortlessly pulverizing the other team into submission

gay men - term used in some locales to indicate that you're a gay men looking although heterosexual guys used to use it too in the US ("cruising for chicks"); anyway if you're out on the town cruising you're probably dressed well, feeling pretty good right? [alarming side note, while I was researching this I came across the term glory hole ew ew ew it's when there's a hole in a place like a bathroom or an adult store the guy can stick their finger through to gauge interest and if the offer is accepted you stick your penis through the hole...whaaat! REALLY anonymous sex!]

But best of all is cruise ship cruising.

You can go on a cruise for pretty cheap. There are 4-night cruises for like $160 (plus other fees im sure - and that's only if you go in November).. but that's still pretty good. If it all added up to $200, that's like $50 a night which is about how much you could pay for a hotel room. Except the cruise ship provides a tooon of food, entertainment, and you're supposed to be lazy ^_^ ALSO it takes you places and you get to be a tourist meaning eating delicious exotic food, taking lots of pictures, interacting with locals, and buying souvenirs!! You can do whatever you like.

On Friday I saw Inception. Melanie thought the ending was ambiguous but I did not. Sometimes I am really obnoxious inside of movie theatres. On Saturday we played Bananagrams with Jean which is a really awesome game.

Yesterday Lyle tried to buy beer but got the license taken because he didn't know how old he was. The gas station owner flipped out and was like I was fined $500 and wasted 3 days of my life; WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!!! [[angry menacing face]]

Also yesterday I saw an old friend when I was with Lyle at this random [really nice] restaurant that I have never been to, and I was really really confused to see her. She started introducing me to everyone and I kind of freaked out for some reason not like OMG WHAT DO I DO kind of freaking but it was like I'd been drugged my brain sort of shut off I was just like cooing instead of enunciating clearly - I wouldn't be surprised if my eyes had been glazed over too. And then at the end I realized Lyle was standing right there and I should probably introduce him so I did but I didn't do a very good job of it. It was really hard because a) I was temporarily non-functional so it was hard for me to do anything b) not only did I have to introduce Lyle to Erin, but then I realized I had to introduce Erin to Lyle also..what?? c) and then afterwards I was like oh no am I supposed to introduce him to her boyfriend and his parents too?? I didn't absorb any of their names! It was very strange I just didn't know what to do. I wanted to leave.

Erin was really tan and dressed up while I was wearing leggings and a tank top and I guess it was just taking me a second to process what was going on, seeing her all the way out in Durham even though we're both in Chapel Hill? Also her skin used to be really smooth but I was taking in her forehead and really just sort of gawking at her in general. It was also extremely perplexing for me because Erin is really tall and skinny and half-Asian/half-white and her boyfriend is completely Caucasian, but the two people she introduced as his parents were this short squat (but cute) Asian lady and this white man, neither of whom looked anything like her boyfriend.

Lyle reports that I sounded confused also and that I was speaking quite slowly even for me. He thought I might have been trying to be funny, but I think he was mostly just embarrassed to be with me.

Mwhuat djoou sfhay?

My brother arrived home safely from China yesterday at around midnight (yay!); with him, he brought back two huge suitcases of loot, including some clothes which are too small for me, some awesome 0.3 mm pens (but only in black =/ still stoked!!! love them already), some silverwear (as in jewelry), and a s-ton of FOOD FOOD and MORE FOOD. Okay a lot of it was tea. But there were also a few bags of candiiiies mmm and one of them included were caramalised haw balls, which are extremely delicious and super, super, suuuper sticky/chewy. Even worse than the MaryJane candies people used to give out for Halloween (I guess as society we have become wiser in the sense that now everyone knows that those orange and black MJs are disgusting and also they get everywhere and stay if the paper experiences any wear/tear, ew). But YUM!

Of course I brought some of them to work today to keep me satisfied in-between meals. So here I am, perusing through some resumes when I decide to stuff the second ball in my mouth (they come in packs of 2, (how prescient of the makers, to know that one wouldn't be enough) and of course this is when my boss chooses this moment to walk over and tell me about something silly like the bulk e-mail I just sent out to 8000 people says "first name, last name" instead of the actual names. Don't worry it wasn't true and the e-mails actually go out pretty slowly it's like a minute for 100 names. No more haw balls today.

Wet N' W*i%L~d and NAKED

Okay guys I know what you're all thinking - were there any animals at the waterpark?? Well I hate to disappoint but there were no giraffes, no stingrays, no macaws, nothing!! ....except for one solitary gorilla who bore a striking resemblance to a fat man with hirsute back.

But we didn't let this ruin our day.

For those out there who don't know, Wet N' Wild is a water park somewhere near Greensboro. It's got a lot of fun stuff to do and some pretty creative rides. It's definitely worth a trip if you've never been, but there are some things that you need to remember...

*Remember to bring sunscreen with high SPF. Those UV rays get really intense.
*Remember to either wear comfortable sandals or to have enough alcohol in your system to help you forget about the fungus forest underfoot.
*Remember to forget to bring your goggles. The less you realize what is floating in the water you are swimming in, the better.

But our main destination of course was Exit 141, which, as I am sure you are well aware, is laden with all kinds of greasy restaurants. With the noticeable exception of Bojangles, there was just about every fast food and buffet you can think of. Though tempted by the lesser chains, we managed to keep our eyes on the prize and made a beeline for Cookout. As usual, I ordered one double cheeseburger with tomato and a milkshake.

Whilst we were at Emerald Point, there was one other intriguing thing that we saw. Or should I say, a pair. (Ominous pause) So on the cusp of our very first ride, I was standing innocently in line when Lyle bent over to whisper something in my ear. I naively thought he was going to say something really sweet for once (one day, one day), but what I heard was "Dude turn around and look at the chick behind us- she's got ENORMOUS jugs!" True story, all of it. They were on their way to becoming Busty Heart sized. Lyle noted how he could bash a Turk's brains out with just the left breast in a medieval battle. Because he's been in many battles and knows this stuff, of course.

Oh my god something traumatizing just happened. I was displaying these weird spots I've been sporting since I got my back sloughed on Daredevil's Drop waterslide when this horrrrible, indescribably malodorous smell assaulted my nose. I wrinkled it and inquired of Lyell: "Did you just fart??" With a resolute face, he puts on his hat and announces, "It's pootin' time."

Okay time to go but, props to our guest co-writer, T LyelL McmerTy!!!

Wait wait I forgot the naked part!!! Lyell decided to take off all his clothes and he stut ALL THE WAY from his car to his apartment door, a stunning 8.9 meter distance, not to mention exposing himself to truckers for quite some time before that. Ok toodles for real!

I only mentioned food in half of the paragraphs today

My parents went to South Carolina this weekend and during that time I had an extremely unhealthy diet of which the main constituents included cereal (both sugary and Grape Nuts), Milano cookies, Cadbury Magic Fingers, Macaroni and Cheese, Mexican takeout, Italian ice with rum, gummies soaked in vodka, and cheese.

July 4th - did not participate in any patriotic activities.

I met two of Lyle's friends: an Asian named Tony and an Italian named Carlo. It was really confusing for me though because Carlo looked like this guy I knew at NCSSM named Tony ...who I used to call Gabriel. It was also greatly amusing to me that they were both mildly scared of Lyle's roommate Neal who is a short benign looking Indian kid.

Yesterday I walked out of Harris Teeter after picking up some cheesecake ingredients wearing this figure fitting but stretchy strapless jean dress (yep that sounds weird, and it is, but I'd never worn it before and felt bad for it so decided that yesterday was the day!). Oh my god wow I just realized that I forgot to put the mini M&Ms into my cheesecake that I bought from CVS!!! Nooooo =( Okay anyways. So I walk outside to get to the tables between CVS and Elmo's Diner, and on my way I make note of random aimless-looking white dude sitting on the bench. My first instinct is to sit as far away as possible, but then I felt really rude in my mind so I just sat at the middle table. There I am, just waiting for Lyell and sure enough after a few minutes the dude walked over and started talking to me and I was like omg why is he talking to me but I guess it's normal to talk to strangers sometimes? I mean I will talk to strangers especially if I'm bored, but anyhow I made sure to mention the phrase MY BOYFRIEND several times. He turned out to be pretty nice; he went to the same high school as me (the one I went to for freshman and sophomore year), but as he was mildly indescript I don't recall ever seeing him there. Plus that was a long time ago. He did throw out "I think I've seen you around before" and I was tempted to say oh reaaaally...but I didn't.

I also got some Ice Breakers from CVS and as I was alone, I opened the side labeled "not to share" and to my surprise, the whole half of the pack opened. I've never encounted breathmint mislabeling before.

PS - isn't it annoying when someone is about to tell you something significant but then decides that it is more important atm to poo? Hmph.

PPS - I totally just had to e-mail this to myself because you can't copy stuff you type in Citrix (the server we use here) to normal windows.